So tomorrow starts a new month. July. J-U -L-Y. Oh how I dislike July. This month we should be celebrating Aydens 1st birthday but instead we are celebrating his first angelversary, as it is called, the anniversary of his death. I say "WE" like this is something I share with others, but not really. This is the pain I endure silently, internally, every now and then loudly, as my tears and screams are drowned by the water in the shower.
Our friends are celebrating the firsts of their firsts and although I have had the experience of my two sons it doesn't make it any less painful. Each child is a gift and a pleasure and an experience to be had. I am just not able to celebrate with them. Oh July how I wish you would just fly by, with the blink of an eye.
I plan on taking the last week of this month off. To celebrate Aydens day with my thoughts and maybe sending some balloons to heaven. I have found my tattoo. The permanent ink to be etched into my body and with every tear that flows to never ever forget...
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